'Kenapa?' means 'Why?'

Yup.. Sebenernya dulu gw hampir mem-post tulisan ini di tumblr dengan judul “Why means Kenapa”.. Bahkan tulisan yang mencapai 3 hlmn di ms. word itu sebenernya sudah hampir kelar dan tinggal bikin paragraph konklusi, tapi hilang karena laptopnya mati dan ngga ke-save. Udah sempet  nulis di word lagi, tapi selalu aja ada insiden (ngurusin TA, kelulusan, keluar kosan, tiba2 laptop mati total dan data save-annya hilang lagi), jadi tertunda lama.. :P ~maap~ okay.. mulai, yo.. Btw, dulu gw bikinnya pake bhs inggris, itung2 buat mengasah ingatan gw biar ngga lupa ngegunain inggris gara2 kebanyakan nganggur.. Jadi, kali ini gw coba lagi pake bhs inggris.. Semoga isinya ngga terlalu banyak berubah dengan karangan yang dulu.. ☺ ☺ ☺



why? Why? WHY?
After several events and dramas in my life that I faced in these several months, I realized that ‘WHY’ becomes the interrogative adverb word that appear the most in my mind. After did some ‘meditations’ and ‘therapies’ to strengthen myself from all these problems, I have realized something about that word and try to share it with all of you.. ☺


why? Why? WHY?
“Why I was born as Chinese?”, “Why I was born as Catholic?”, “Why I was born in Indonesia?”, “Why I was born as a girl?”, “Why I was born in my current family?” That was ridiculous when thinking that I was born in Indonesia as a Chinese and Catholic.. haha.. “Why I was not born in Europe?” or “Why I was not born in China?” haha.. If I was born in both countries, maybe (just ‘maybe’) it would be very easier to me to find sooo many Catholic Chinese meeennn.. Maybe, I will have so many boyfriends now (haha.. my deepest dream.. :P).. “Why Indonesia?” “Why Catholic?” “Why not Moslem?” Because, I think, it is really hard for Catholic and Chinese (minor group) to be accepted in here.. So many prejudice and bla bla bla..  If I was born in Europe (country that has Catholic/ Christians as the major group), ‘maybe’ that will be much easier for me.. haha..

It is really weird to think about it.. That was really weird to born in this country that MOST of the populations did not even know the difference between ‘Roman Catholic/Katolik Roma’ and ‘Protestant/Kristen Protestant’. The well-known television here (they already have celebrated their 20th anniversary) didn’t even know the difference between ‘Pastor/pendeta’ and ‘Priest/Pastur’.. -_____-“ How pity..!! haha.. But, that is not the case of this post.. Some of my collage best friends did not even know about it and always wrong saying my religion as Protestant (sometimes painful, but I don’t really care about it, as long they did not say anything bad to my religion.. ☺).

Some of my collage friends also tried to offer me all Chinese men that they saw in road.. Oh, come on.. Do not think that all Chinese is same.. You don’t pick all Javanese men in Java Island, right? There is some of them that is high quality and not.. *Sorry, guys.. But, try to understand it.. So, offer me ONLY the best quality CHINESE CATHOLIC MEN..!! ;) Thank you.. If you cannot differentiate them, just keep your mouth shut and I will be very blessed and thankful to you.. ☺ ☺ ☺* haha.. wow.. Another question comes up in my mind.. “Why I entered the government college?” That also weird.. haha.. (BTW, the college is almost over and there is only limited high quality Catholic Chinese men for me.. ~okay, time to search my future husband in working life.. haha~)

That is really weird seeing so many couple that has got so many restrictions in their relationship. For example, caused by not in the same religion, not in the same social status/strata. It is also really happened for all gays and lesbians all over the world. “Why they need to born in the same gender?”, “Why they need to born in the different religion?” “Why they need to be born as a poor/low-income people?”, “Why they need to born just to feel those painful?” That is really weird.. hahahahaha… Such similar question always crossed in my mind and head..

Because, when talking about heart, it will be very hard to fix it.. What you think sometimes different with your action (brain vs. heart).. In so many cases, some of my friends prefer to prioritize their heart compare than their brain.. Okay, this is not the fault of anyone (I don’t blame anyone or anything in this post.. Just to strengthen my analysis ☺ ☺).. As usual, I will say “that’s really weird”.. I hope all of them can choose their own path that is the best for them.. I can only pray for them.. Pray that they were far from mortal sin and hope we can go to Heaven together (I don’t even know is my Heaven the same like them or not.. haha.. “weird again”) Yup, “Why they there is so many ‘wall’ between someone’s relationship?” Those are really sad, when seeing them look like tortured soul. If you want to give them solution based on God’s rule, it will hurt them.. On the other hand, if you give them solution to do whatever their heart’s want, they will be very happy, it is like the snake demon/devil’s did in Adam and Eve’s story (cerita Adam Hawa).. Until now, it becomes controversial.

Hem.. I think, every religion (that I know) is not allowed this homo’s thingy (sorry, if my statement is wrong).. Sorry too, but I will always believed with my religion’s belief (Roman Catholic) that is definitely prohibited this thing (but, I supposed that the Catholic in Indonesia will not do something ‘bad’ to the gays/lesbians.. → not in direct way like the other countries did.. but, I don’t know the fact in the next several years)..  sorry.. sorry.. sorry.. my deepest sorry for ‘you’.. If ‘you’ read this (but, I don’t really sure that ‘you’ have any intentions to read any of your friends’ tumblrs..) Just as precaution, if you read this post: “Sorry.. But, I never agree with all of this ‘thingy’ happened to my best persons.. Sorry for my conventional way of thinking.. I hope you understand it.. ☹ I will let others, but not for my best persons.. Sorry.. I know it is really hard to change, but there is a way.. I just want you to be happy in Heaven, not in Hell.. I do really care and I do really love you, whatever way you choose.. ☺  But, I will be very happy in seeing you happy in Heaven.. ☺ “Semua yang sedang kita alami sekarang di dunia ini hanyalah semu belaka.. Kehidupan yang sebenarnya adalah kehidupan setelah ‘kematian’. Tapi, untuk memulai kehidupan itu, kita harus melewati sebuah pintu dan syarat untuk melewati pintu itu adalah dilihat dan diukur dari kehidupan yang kita jalani sekarang..” Jadi, gw sebenarnya sangat mendoakan semoga lo bisa bahagia di‘kehidupan sebenar’nya itu.. Memang sekarang pahit, itu juga yang gw alami sekarang.. Tapi, saat lo bisa melewatinya, ‘kebahagiaan sebenar’nya akan menanti.. Sering gw berpikir untuk mengambil jalan singkat (truthfully) dengan bunuh diri, dsb. Tapi kalau gw melakukan itu, berarti gw kalah. Memang gw mendapat kebahagiaan sesaat dari bunuh diri itu, tapi gw ngga bakal menikmati kebahagiaan sebenarnya.. Jadi, yang bisa dilakukan sekarang adalah berusaha tetap bertahan hidup dan membuatnya bermakna sebagai nilai plus di kehidupan bahagia mendatang itu.. Love you.. ;)


Back to topic 

why? Why? WHY?
Actually, this post’s main purpose is not to blame God or anyone or anything.. Yup, after much thought, I realized something.. As believers, we are supposed not to ask, what He planned for us. Like the story of Prophet Moses (Musa), when He asked Jewish to give sacrifice to the God.. The Jewish asked Him, what the exact age of the sacrificial lamb, the exact color of the fur, etc.. The result: They found the exact lamb in the next 40 years.. The truth, they should not ask the criteria of the lamb. Because of their keponess (kesotoyan, blablabla) they’ve got their punishment.. Yup.. we need to accept and believe what He want to give/planned to us.. The only thing that we need to do is pray and trust that He will give us to easier way to achieve happiness..

In my deepest opinion, I never believe that God will give me a ‘lifetime partner’ (pasangan seumur hidup alias belahan jiwa) that has different faith/religion with me.. I never thought that He will give me lifetime partner in the same gender with me.. I do really believed this.. As Christian, I am only allowed to marry once in my lifetime.. So, God will not give me this trial.. God created Hawa for Adam only.. He created small creatures, like pistil and stamens (putik dan benang sari) for butterflies, also bacterial and virus, so He will never forget to give us every single stuffs, especially when we are His favorite creatures.. ☺ I do believe that He sent me to born in Indonesia, as Chinese and Catholic, because He want to simplify and minimize my possibility to choose the wrong lifetime partner.. haha.. Yup, if I’m sent to Europe, the possibility to get the ‘right’ one is too much/broad and I will be confused by it.. So, Thank you, God.. ☺ ☺ ☺ Now, I’m still waiting to meet my ‘right’ partner..

The truth, I never agreed someone in different religion relationship or same gender relationship that said their partner as their true ‘lifetime partner’.. NO..!! God will never ever bless this matter (sorry).. I always think that this kind of relationship will not run smoothly and will end (no matter in the fast/slow way).. Sorry, guys.. Sorry.. This is just my deepest opinion.. Sorry, if I’m wrong.. Sorry, if I hurt your feeling.. I’m not intended to make all of my readers become this sad at all.. ☹ ☹

For your consideration, you better think twice (or even more) before you think/say/mention that your ‘different’ (especially, someone in different religion and the same gender) partner is your ‘right’ lifetime partner.. Maybe, there is another ‘right’ lifetime partner that is already provided by the God for you.. Just opened your eyes with God’s sign about this matter.. Good luck..!! ;) ;) ;)

Actually, I’m very proud all of my current religion, my current country, and my family, my college, my friends, my past, and current LIFE.. ☺  I also appreciate all of their decision, my decision, and my problems too (because I can be a stronger person with those problems.. Okay, I need to fix these my internal problems.. Of course with smile too.. hihi.. ☺ ☺).. Just believed that God will give something good for us, as long we still believed Him..